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I really believe that the human

Race has no finishing line

But we all fall dead

At different points

Along this pointless course,

Or else we are taken

Off the track

To a track less run

Where we can live out our dreams

Away from uncivilized civilization.

My First Drink

May 8, 2017 — 2 Comments

This is how I described my first drink of Scotch. The biggest mistake I made in my life. It was my gateway into a path of self destructiveness that brought me close to death. But the story is about bullies. Alcohol is the biggest bully of them all.

 

The fire was so nice and warm. Dying out of course. A few embers poking through the ashes. I took a drink and poked the fire. Some sparks and little flames popped up. The red spots under the ashes were fading so I picked up a fire lighter and placed it on the coals. For a few seconds there was a strong smell of paraffin. Then pop. Blue flame casting shadows at the back of the fireplace and around the sitting room. Shapes dancing in silence with a beautiful warmth and strange excitement. I poured another drink and sat on the floor in front of the fire. Getting warmer. More comfortable. My worries dissipated. I liked the feeling. The absence of worry. And the blurry feeling in my head. I wanted to chase these shadows round and round the room as the excitement mounted. My mind was telling me everything’s all right now. You can do what you want. Anything. No restrictions. Nothing’s holding you back. Then I fell into a faultless sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I went into Kindle and downloaded this awesome masterpiece. Anyway. I noticed some spelling mistakes. Then one or two grammatical errors. At least. But then I realized at times I was forgetting I used a pen name. Methinks I’m going to have to edit this thing. 

Sample of dialogue from my book. 

Hi, Greg

Hi.

So when are you thinking of leaving?

Soon. 

Aw Graham. You could stay longer surely 

Maybe. 

It’s up to you Greg. 
Etc lol

Attempt at Book

May 7, 2017 — Leave a comment

I have written 70,000 words about my experience as a kid in Scotland being brought up by a fairly wealthy professional musician.

Both parents were alcoholics but I try to focus on the bullying at school I could not contend with because my parents were always in a state of intoxication. i.e. Steaming drunk as they say in Glasgow.

It’s my first attempt and I put it up on Kindle Unlimited which means you don’t have to pay for it. Or it’s $2.99 from Kindle. Well, I am Scottish.

The writing is either awful or not bad or pretty good but if some of you guys could give me feedback I would be so happy.

It was more a cathartic experience than anything but it really is a weird and painful journey. I hope people identify with some of what I’ve attempted to write. Love you all.

Trap

April 3, 2017 — Leave a comment

Wandering between two points

With no other exit plan

Wondering if I 

Will ever see the light of day

Again

Even though

The sun is covering the earth

In sweet golden light

I am trapped between coordinates

I put in place myself

Over time.

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I try to think

Of happiness,

As a concept

Encapsulated in its own image.

And laughingly believe

I’ll be happy,

Just by bringing to mind

The thought,

 

That thinking happy thoughts

Would then follow

Without effort

And all would be well.

 

But happy thoughts only

Materialize ,

Not by concentrated effort,

But by avoiding,

All these wicked

People From hell.

 

 

 

 

Image from Beliefnet.com

Turtle Doves

February 28, 2017 — Leave a comment

Dove at Sunset over Lago di Garda

Through orange heights,

Through turtle doves,

And through the alleyways,

I see the love

That hope enshrouds

Descend and take away

 

The thoughts I had of one I love

A city far but near

And in its grasp

A homesick dove

For whom I shed a tear.

 

The air is still,

I feel no wind

Inside I feel no sorrow

Upon my hope

My faith is pinned

The dove shall fly tomorrow.

Purposeless

February 27, 2017 — Leave a comment

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I woke up tired today.

Hot sweet

Expressos

In tiny white cups,

Stirred me a little.

 

But  lethargy,

And the heat,

And the crushing  humidity

 

Made me anxious,

Gave me palpitations,

Made me light headed

And confused.

 

I had no plans today

So I sat at a pavement café

Sipping expressos,

Staring at people.

 

And when the dehydration

Brought on

Panic attacks

 

I was no longer tired,

And even though

I had absolutely

Nothing to do,

 

I was terrified

And saw quick stars

And white lines

When I closed my eyes.

 

And I just cringed

At the thought

Of the nightmares

Just

Waiting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image from medical daily.com

 

 

 

 

Rhetorical

February 20, 2017 — Leave a comment

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I can’t shake off this furious anxiety

That thwarts my breathing, to

Shallow repetitive beats,

Obscuring

My capacity

For normal thoughts,

 

And when I wondered why those

Intermittent perturbances

Should even be?

The question

Answered itself.

 

 

Image from The Odyssey Online

No Card Needed

February 13, 2017 — 2 Comments

unknown

My signature on a Valentine’s card

Will fade over time.

But the aching intensity

Of my love

For you,

Will never

Be destroyed

By moments.