Archives For December 2015

Inflatable Snowman

December 25, 2015 — Leave a comment

I’m sitting on a chair

Under the moon

In my garden

And my inflatable snowman is still full of air.

10.13 pm Christmas Day.

That  awkward pause when evening casts a melancholy mood

Over the laughter and hurt feelings

That trickled insidiously

Throughout the day.

Not sure why I carried

Guilt and anxiety to the close

Excesses never sit well with me

So I’m kind of jealous of my inflatable snowman

Filled with the cool cool air on this Christmas night

Empty, void and static

Lit by the moon

Without joy or sadness

But still standing strong.

Snow

December 18, 2015 — 1 Comment

It’s not the same I say
As I watch the rain pour down
A week before we celebrate
The birth of the Lord our Saviour.

In this clammy climate,
The killer humidity,
Where sandals
Shorts and tee shirts are the norm.

It’s not the same I say
On a grey old rainy day
It doesn’t feel like Christmas
When the sun is so unbearable
And it doesn’t feel like Christmas
When it rains.

Back as a kid
In a colder land
When the snow was timed to fall,
Waiting at the window
My heart beating fast,
I would watch with growing wonder
The grey sky growing darker
The snowflakes fluttering by
And the trees and streets and pavements
Turn brilliant white.

The window ledge accumulates
An inch or two of snow
So I grab my coat and scarf and run outside

Jumping from a step
Onto a frozen sidewalk
I slid with ease
Into the freezing powdery snow
I scooped it up between my hands
With all the kids, running around
Falling and laughing, and screaming
And rolling and tumbling,
And all was well
With the world.

Christmas Eve
As nighttime falls
We leave
And meet others
Standing outside the church
The snow still fluttering down
Lit up in yellow by the light from the old rusty lamps.

It was always exciting
Waiting for midnight during a chilly sermon
When the lights were dimmed and the candles glowed
And we all sang Still The Night.

What was I then, maybe ten?
I remember it like it was yesterday
Pulling the wrappers apart
And the sweet smell from the coal fire,
Choirs in the background
From the TV flickering
Images of Bethlehem
Images that became memories
Became embedded in my reality
And I want that reality
Back now.
More than anything.

They’re all gone
Mom, Dad, Grandmother, Aunts,
Uncles and neighbors
My living past.

My living present is yearning
For a past long time gone
There’s no mystery now
In the rain
And the sun

But maybe I should remember
A child was born to a virgin
All alone in a manger
The greatest mystery of all
Still remains.
And the reason for each moment
Will become clearer in my prayers
And that day will come when
I will see the snow again.

 

Safe Space

December 14, 2015 — Leave a comment

I step outside, breath in fresh air
The walls were closing in around me
I drag a chair to the lawn and sit right down
To drink my Earl Grey tea.

Slip out my diary from my trouser pocket
Swipe a fly, pick up the pen
I start by scribbling out the date
And whimper, not again.

It’s my birthday, it’s another one
The world’s still in a mess
Love is lost and hate is strong
And some could not care less.

They are the folk who sleep and wake
Up each brand new day
They go to work and come back home
And still have time to play.
And should you say to them, you think
The world is such a mess
They laugh and pour another beer
They just don’t want the stress.

An x – box and a mobile phone
Are held up like a God
And through those mindless little tools
They create their little worlds.

They praise themselves, they admire themselves
They’re hot, they’re sweet, they’re cool
Millennials can’t be criticized
Because that is somehow cruel.

If you did, or dared. they’d run away
To find themselves some space
Distance is the magic word
Far from the human race.

So what to do in this narcissistic world
Where we have no need for prayer
It means now we can love ourselves
We are idols, tread with care.

We are mortal, there’s no soul that lives
When our world at last stops turning
No rising on angelic wings
Or hell’s eternal burning.

Alas, for me I have a soul

Now on an earthly trip
The journey is eternal
This life is but a blip

Year by year another candle
Added to the cake
And my safe space welcomes those I love
And friendships yet to make.